Living separately

People who lived out a divorce sometimes compare this event with a jump to cold water from a high tower. The same doubt in the beginning, fear during jump, afraid of unlucky loading and hurt, and after - the only wish to come up and swim to the shore. Therefore, one should not be amazed that many prefer to take such a jump with parachute.

You are afraid to make a wrong decision, you are not so sure that all that connected you all these years is over, and because of this you tell him (her) ?Let us live separately for some time?.  This is your parachute for that life situation. This classical saying covers different emotions and reasons which led to it - irrepressible conflict, boredom,  offence,  new perspectives at love front ? various circumstances may forego your separation and decision to live without each other. 

Before you will really tell these words, remember that psychologists consider that any leaving has one serious shortcoming, namely, both partners risk to lose their common internal belief "We will always be together?.

However, if you leave your partner you should think about him (his) and make the parting not so hurtful. Try to decrease stress marking the point of landing, that is plan the next meeting or telephone call. Respect the feeling of your ?victim?.  

Now you leave separately and this pause in your relations can help you to understand better what exactly you want. Certainly, in the very beginning you will have feeling of absolute freedom. But this freedom has a short life. Hear yourself. If in a month you still think that living alone suits you better, it is worth thinking about divorce. If not - make efforts to come together with your husband.  Do not wait to long - he may like living without you and, no doubt, there will be crowds of women who eager to take care of him.

Parting means losing of common way of life. What are the costs when you decided to live separately? First is money. Statistics says that men's circumstances, as a rule, get better, while women occur in the straitened circumstances. Second is common friends. Of course, they will not be through, but having a picnic or party they will choose between you and your husband. It is hard to say how they solve this problem. Children ? they are angry to both parents. Parents  - they will lend a helping hand but find words to take a pot shot. Perspectives ? do you understand that now you will loss your common future ? joint vacations, planned repair, buying a new computer. You will have to live with it.

Every 13 seconds one pair is divorced. Not every time this is a tragedy. Probably, parting for some time helps you to organize a safe divorce. Or, on the contrary, you will understand that your family life was too good to break it.

Whatever will happen, the idea of living separately has the same number of positive and negative features. It is up to you to decide which way is the most suitable for you in your situation.

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