By David on 18 Aug, 08 · · ·
Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a fuck,
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck.
She´d almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she´d just removed her pants,
When seven dwarfs came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven,
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you´d better drop your pick"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain´t licking that",
"Not there, that is my arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don´t be BASHFUL,
Unless you´re a fucking queer"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho".
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn´t smiling.
Cos he hadn´t had a sniff,
And due to his impatience,
He couldn´t raise a stiff.
"Relax" you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fuckin load.
The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarfs left,
She turned and said, "You´re next, I want your knob!"
But not sooner had he entered her,
And he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw,
A dazed Snow White them whimpered.?
"That should be against the law."
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you´re so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big prick"
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You´ll have to use your tongue,
My twat can´t take no more!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had placed their cocks,
And ´cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last dwarf " DOC ."
Now Snow White couldn´t do much,
With all that spadge inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there´s the truth about the dwarfs,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying Miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
There´s one more thing you need to know,
And that´s - What happened to that cup,
Well think of what you´re drinking,
When you next buy 7-Up!
By AdamF73 on 28 Jul, 08 · · ·
by dadirector7
My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal is now my water spout.
I remember when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,
But now I have a full time job - to find the blasted thing
It used to be embarrassing, the way it would behave,
For every single morning it would stand and watch me shave.
Now, as old age approaches, it sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its little head and watch me tie my shoes.
By Dorothy on 19 Jun, 08 · 1 photo · ·
One can dream.......on !
By Dorothy on 19 Jun, 08 · · ·
Friend to Friend
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be
until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
By Dorothy on 19 Jun, 08 · · ·
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and ****, and then you disappear."
By Dorothy on 19 Jun, 08 · · ·
An old man was sitting on a bench in a mall,a teenager sat down next to him,
he had spiked hair that was red, orange,green,blue,violet.
The old man stared,and whenever the teen looked,the old man was staring, finally,the teenager said sarcastically; whats the matter old man,never done anything wild in your life? without missing a beat the old man replied:
I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, just wondering if you were my son
By Dorothy on 19 Jun, 08 · 1 photo · ·
This one just blows me away !!!
By Dorothy on 19 Jun, 08 · 1 photo · ·
Is this dog full of **** ? lol
By Dorothy on 12 Jun, 08 · · ·
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn,
The Gamekeeper shouts,
'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo o' coo's keech an' pish!'
The man replies,
'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.'
The Gamekeeper replies,'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!!
By thomas on 29 May, 08 · · ·
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day
By thomas on 29 May, 08 · · ·
wee johnny at school one day,ask his teacher "miss do u believe in god?teacher ask why he wants to know.wee johnny tell her"well I was passing mom and dads room other day and all I could hear my mom shouting OH GOD,OH GOD."
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · · ·
God may have made man first, but there is always a draft before the masterpiece . . .
: /
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · 1 photo · ·
I have, for one, although that is NOT me in the piccie
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · 1 photo · ·
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · · ·
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters -- who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: S! he had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue Lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Copyright © 2005 by [SILICONHELL.COM]. All rights reserved.
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · · ·
For those who thought the hardest part of Physics was the constant conversion from feet and inches to the metric system, including all its Newtons, Joules, and Watts, here are some other useful conversions:
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
65.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
454 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
100 Senators: Not 1 decision.
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · · ·
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
By AdamF73 on 06 May, 08 · · ·
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
By AdamF73 on 05 May, 08 · · ·
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it."
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
By AdamF73 on 05 May, 08 · · ·
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
