Everyday alternative physics

Alternative physics are great; they solve many of today's problems around the world. They cover fields vast and foreign to most people, things that most people don't even comprehend, such as nanotechnology, study of the stars, and they lead to things such as the microwave and space travel, but the thing is, wouldn't it be nice if they could solve everyday problems that assault the average man.
I knew it was over, all but the endless waiting. If you're in for a pound, you're in for the whole hog, or something along those lines, maybe you're in for some healthy cleansing too if there's time. I ordered a burger--- huge sized it, what do I have to lose, really?

Life is only so long anyway, you know how it is, might as well take the special sauce while there's time, besides alternative physics will come up with a way to shed pounds instantly soon enough, you know, eat a burger and, schlump, lose five pounds. Alternative physics can figure out cold fusion and nanotechnology, alternative physics can make me thin and healthy so I can live off of fast food with no ill effects. A dim witted pimply face kid screws my change up and then argues with me until the machine tells him that I'm right. "I think you should try some alternative science careers." I smile as I pull to the next window. "You definitely have the skill for it."

The next dumb kid hands me a sweaty cup, a straw, four napkins, some apostles, and a wayward soul, special sauces, ketchup, the whole nine, but no drink carrier. Is it too much to ask for a drink carrier every damn time you hit the drive through window? ...REALLY... I mean, Fer Crying out loud, four drinks, two hands, one wheel? Do the math...

So I pull out into the entrance with the arrow pointing the other way, oops, I'd think I was a wanker if I was somebody else but I'm not so it's cool. What the hell? I just ordered a juicy artery-clogging-heart-mortaring-may-not-see-the-morrow meal anyway, with cheese. I'll get high on the cholesterol for decades. What do I care?

I cross four lanes mid-speed at noon on Friday-- first of the month, every other car a Lincoln casket carrying old cranky timeless working stiffs on permanent vacation, out shopping on pension day, every other car a kid just got paid on his way to try and get out of work to go party.

I make it home in one piece ten minutes ahead of schedule just beating my funeral by a couple of steps.

I see they forgot to put the toy in the happy meal. Joy... God bless the happy meal, makes kids materialistic and shallow while they're still singing Barney songs. This custom starts them off right and wrong at the same time.

Bitch-bitch-bitch
Moan-moan-moan


And so back I go, on my endless non-stop journey to satisfy everyone. I'll spend $10 in gasoline and 30 minutes of my life on a toy that I could buy for a dime. Some of that alternative physics would sure come in handy now, some of that beam me up stuff, maybe that pimple face kid with the future was working on that very problem at this very minute as he cleaned out the crusty French fries that were floating on the shiny fryer. Then again, maybe not, maybe he still insists on not giving drink carriers to people driving with a bunch of drinks. Hopefully one day alternative physics might be able to solve all of man's major problems, Cancer, wives, daytime television, nighttime television, the happy meal toy, that period of time between the Super Bowl and Opening day for Major League Baseball, and the inability to get around through traffic on the first of the month every month.
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