Added: 11/23/2006 |
What Christmas giftXmas bills and New Year taxes. It's that time of year once again, Christmas wreaths and snow and sitting around the fire and warm chestnuts and all that good stuff. But what about the downside of Christmas, what about the stress and pressure derived from Christmas? What about the aftermath and the garbage that precedes and follows Christmas. More people commit suicide at that time of yet than at any other.
I'm punch drunk from year upon year of endless struggle and pain and sadness caused by the stress and pressures delivered in Christmas cards that begin coming earlier every year. Soon we’ll start working on Christmas on July 4th. You can begin working on the perfect Christmas gift on December 26th. What better Christmas gift than just signing what’s left of my paycheck over to everyone I know. Merry Christmas, I’m destitute. The perfect Christmas gift, does it exist. I hear UK Christmas gifts are simple things, things people can use and I understand they don’t go crazy over there in the UK at Christmas; they are not as extravagant as those damn Yankees over here.
Life is beating me down, down, down. Beating me down, the jabs get quicker, the uppercuts get stronger. My arms grow weak with gravity. Christmas is crushing my jaw with powerful shots one after the other after the other. The perfect Christmas gift, God do I hate shopping. How do I know what to buy for people I see a few times a year? I don’t even know what to buy for my wife and kids, how do I know what to buy for that weird guy Waldo at work, the one that makes jokes nobody gets who constantly organizes his desk.
The worst part comes the middle of January where you realize that you’re still paying off last Christmas and won’t even start paying off the interest for this years overindulgences until mid August, oh, and of course you got the wrong Christmas present, the absolute wrong Christmas present, but that’s much closer than you were last year. Every year when the evil day passes, the one that was founded to celebrate the birth of the Christ but now celebrates the girth of the jolly red fat man and the caching-ching-ching of the merry go round that they call cash registers at all the local malls. Anyway, it’s no wonder that suicide rates go up this time of year. People, psychiatrists always say it has to do with the loneliness and alienation associated with the Holiday Season, but I say it has entirely to do with the amount of money that we are forced to spend every year on this over-bloated consumerist Holiday.
Christmas comes once a year, so there’s that, and there’s good food and lots of football, but then there’s those stupid Christmas parades. Christmas is the holiday of guilt now, I ate too much, I spent too much, I didn’t spend enough, I didn’t get the right gift, instead of the Holiday about the sacrifice God made through Jesus Christ to amend for our sins and relieve us of guilt.
Next year all I want for Christmas is the Holiday off, not the day off, in fact, I wouldn’t even mind working, as long as I wasn’t required to partake of the Holiday itself. I just want to disappear for that one day of the year, though I wouldn’t mind a turkey leg and some stuffing.
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