In many cultures women have been taught that a woman's first and most important duty is to find a loving husband, and a man who could be a good father.  In past eras, when a woman failed to reach out to single men, then she was automatically labeled a "spinster." Only within the last 30-35 years has society come to struggle for a balance between a woman's desire for family and her drive to succeed in a profession. Not every member of our society, however, senses a need to strike such a balance. Some women remain content to just be husband catchers, and to follow the suggestion of a mother who gave her daughter this advice: "flirt up your life."

Mothers have not been foolish to offer such advice. In fact, for thousands of years women did need to concentrate on finding a man who could guarantee his wife and his children plenty of security.  Finding such a man usually meant making an assessment of the power, wealth and status enjoyed by many males. Because such an assessment required time, mothers often counseled daughters to "flirt up your life," in the hope that they would thus attract and then learn more about many men.

Mothers frequently have combined their advice with examples of flirting signs, acts that could help a woman to attract a man. Examples of such flirting signs are blinking, hip movements and smiling. Smiling may seem like an innocent activity; many people make an effort to smile when they meet friends or strangers. But carried to excess, smiling, blinking and excessive hip movement can imply that a woman has yielded to those who have told her, "Flirt up your life."

Before a mother tells her daughter to "flirt up your life," she needs to develop a wider perspective on the meaning of attractiveness. She needs to understand that not every culture considers the same thing to be attractive. The mother must stop and ask herself whether or not the repeated use of flirting signs represents the best use of her daughter's time and potential. This examination should follow a mother's sincere effort to look at the wide diversity of views on attractiveness.

In some regions of the world women have what seems to most mothers to be very weird methods for increasing a young girl's attractiveness. Most mothers would think their daughters foolish to engage in such behavior. Yet the acts applauded by many mothers, i.e. the ways for a woman to be flirtatious, would probably seem like a real waste of time to a woman in say the Inuit regions of northern Canada or among the Lepcha farmers of the Himalayas.

The existence of diverse views on attractiveness underlines the futility of following the advice to "flirt up your life." That advice does little to help a young woman prepare for a future life in the 21st Century.  Today's woman would have better luck finding a partner if she replaced flirting with a sincere drive for an empathetic, intelligent man, and one who has a good sense of humor.  Humor brings joy to a marriage. Humor helps a woman and man stay together much more firmly than a penchant for flirting.