Added: 06/23/2007 |
Second Parent Adoption By Same-Sex CouplesThe American Bar Association estimates that there are more than four million same-sex couples raising children in the United States. Studies have repeatedly shown that children raised in same sex households are no more likely to have emotional problems or to be gay than their counterparts raised by opposite-sex couples. But what happens when a same sex couple breaks up. Often the non-biological or non-adoptive parent is at the mercy of an angry partner's whims. And while we all know we shouldn't use children as pawns, in the heat of the moment some couples do. This article looks at a potential solution: second parent adoption by same-sex couples.
Six years later, Judy and Samantha’s relationship was beginning to cool. Judy eventually kicked Samantha out of their home, and denied her access to the child they had raised together. As a “biological stranger” in a state that did not acknowledge gay and lesbian relationships, Sam had no options but to grieve the loss of her family while, at Judy’s house, her children intensely grieved the loss of one of their mothers. All this misery could have been spared by a simple legal concept: second parent adoption by same-sex couples.
Second parent adoption by same-sex couples means that a woman or man adopts his or her partner’s biological children while that partner is still alive. Heterosexual couples do this all time. A woman dies, her husband remarries, and his new wife adopts the kids from the first marriage. But in same sex relationships second parent adoption is a much bigger deal. Historically, in order for the non-biological same sex parent to gain parental rights, the biological parents had to give up his or hers.
The National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) conceived the idea of second-parent adoptions by same-sex couples in the early 1980s. A lesbian organization came up with the idea, because historically, this issue does not affect gay men as much as it does lesbians. Gay men are more likely to take in foster children or adopt children with whom they have no biological connection. Lesbian couples, on the other hand, often choose artificial insemination so that at least one parent has a biological connection to the child.
Some states such as Colorado, Nebraska, and Wisconsin are adamantly opposed to second-parent adoption by same-sex couples, saying, in essence, that homosexual relationships are not “real” relationships and that same sex couples have no business raising children anyway. Other states, such as California, New York, Pennsylvania and Vermont allow a same-sex partner to adopt their partner’s biological children without their partner having to sacrifice any rights. Still other states, such as Texas and Indiana are hit-and-miss, all depending on the personal beliefs of the judge assigned to your case.
Second parent adoption is not available in situations where two parents already have legal rights to the children. For instance, if Mary and John have three children and split up, and Mary meets Susie, Susie would not be able to adopt Mary’s children unless John were willing to sever his parental rights. However, if Mary had another child through artificial insemination, Susie would be eligible to adopt that child depending on the laws of the state where they lived.
The benefits of second parent same-sex adoption are many. First of all, it allows children to know they have a stable relationship with both parents. One of a child’s worst fears is being taken away from his or her mother or father. Kids of parents in same-sex relationships realize before they are very old that if something happens to their birth parent, they may be taken away from their other mom or dad as well.
Second, it extends benefits such as health and dental care to the child of the non-biological parent. If the biological mother is a freelancer who works from home, for instance, the adoptive second parent could legally obtain health insurance for the child through his or her job.
Third, if the relationship should end, both parents could be held legally responsible for supporting the child. The adoptive parent may also receive visitation or even custody if the judge deems she is more fit than her partner to raise the child.
Fourth, second parent adoption by same-sex couples empowers the non-biological parent to consent to medical or dental treatment, receive privileged medical information about his or her child’s care, sign permission slips for school, and participate in all of the hundreds of other duties that being a parent entails.
Finally, if the non-biological adoptive parent dies, the child may be eligible for his or her social security benefits.
If you are and your partner decide to have a child who will be biologically related to one of you, consider hiring an attorney to help you with a second parent same-sex adoption. If your state is one of the ones that doesn’t allow this, you may even consider moving elsewhere to protect your family and your relationships.
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