Added: 10/08/2005 |
Prearranged Marriage And the Dilemma Of Muslim DatingIf something works, I say leave it alone. So if the pre-arranged marriage concept which is fundamental to muslim dating works, why mess around with it? It almost seems like a contradiction of terms: muslim dating. How does muslim dating occur if the prospective bride and groom are selected by their parents? I'm neither psychologist nor socialist, but the western civilization dictates that you date before you marry. At least give it a shot. That's why westerners date around for a while. I'm not defending this in any way. Merely stating that "working the numbers" seems to work: the more people you meet, the better idea you have in your mind as to who that type of man or women you want to eventually marry.
But again, this is a western thing. And this cultural trait creates problems with muslim single men and women who attend college in the west. Suddenly muslim single men are placed in an environment that probably resembles more of a smorgasbord than an institution of higher learning. And muslim single women suddenly find themselves in a position where they can make decisions with no impact from their parents. To me this is a good thing. But then again, I'm not muslim. So muslim dating can be problematic to someone who has to devotedly follow Islam and it's teachings their entire lives.
At the point where muslim dating branches off into muslims dating other races and religions, this whole topic gets pretty convoluted. Does this in fact work? I have a few friends who I refer to as "closet muslims". That is, they follow Islam and its teachings when it suits them. When it doesn't suit them, then it's conveniently put away in a box somewhere. I've seen this happen with many religions. I'm guilty of it myself. I tend to be a practicing Catholic during Christmas and Easter. The rest of year I do my own thing. I'm sure this habit will catch up to me. Probably by then it will be too late to worry about it anyway. So I can see - to an extent - where a muslim single man or a muslim single girl will shy away from their faith for a time. Hopefully they'll re-embrace it when the time is right. But like a lot of things in life, there is no guarantee.
This brings me back to the whole pre-arranged marriage thing. This may work for some families. Certainly it gives parents a say in ensuring their daughter will marry a man who is a good provider. And that reflects well on both parents. Pre-arranged marriage makes life a lot less complicated for the bride who knows from the get-go what is waiting at the end of the rainbow. And it checks off a block on the list of things a young muslim man needs to get taken care of on the road to adulthood. Whether each of them agrees with this practice is something fate or destiny apparently will decide. Every culture is unique as so are its traditions whatsoever. One just needs to understand.
Come to think of it, my wife's parents gave me permission to marry their daughter. And my wife went along with it. Twenty years later we're still making it work, so maybe there is not much difference in our cultures after all.
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