Meet Santa in Iceland

Added: 11/23/2006

Santa in Iceland is a little bit different than you might think. I know what you're thinking, he doesn't wear red and doesn't eat cookies, but no, it's nothing like that. Santa in Iceland is the offspring of two trolls that is part of an old legend that dates back to the 1700's. Santa Clause's heritage is a bit different than we think these days; maybe old St. Nick ain't so jolly.

There are actually thirteen Santa’s in Iceland. There are thirteen different versions that are all the offspring of two trolls according to some eighteenth century legends. Of course we all know Santa as Jolly, red, and fat, but these Santa’s are in no way jolly, red, or fat. These things are more like little gremlins or little poltergeists that like to do many naughty things such as slam doors or drink goat’s milk. There’s a window peeper that I’m sure goes over well with overprotective husbands. There’s one called meathook that actually has a meat hook for a hand which sounds more like something out of a horror film than a Christmas yuletide cheery tale. In fact, if you think about it, isn’t it kind of odd that there are thirteen of them. Perhaps Santa in Iceland could be a new horror flick, Santa in Iceland starring thirteen, THIRTEEN, different slasher flicks. They could take on Freddy and Jason and Michael Meyers and Chuckie and still have nine slashers to spare. Then there could be Bride of Santa in Iceland and Son of Santa in Iceland and a whole series of holiday horror flicks. Christmas time is a time for BLOOD, the ad would say. SANTA IN ICELAND, coming to a theater near you soon. The Santa’s are back, and this time their ready to kill, out for blood. The Santa Massacre’s and Santa the thirteen could be future titles for the successful Hollywood horror series.

How did Santa ever get such a good reputation in the rest of the world if he started out as part troll, part ogre, born ready to kill and maim and torture people all over the North Pole? Iceland is about as close to the North Pole as one might get, so I assume that’s as good a birthplace for Santa Lore as any. Maybe that’s why Santa as we know him, the fat jolly joy giver, still wears a bright red suit, because it signifies the blood that he was meant to spill. Santa the evil, Santa the demented, Santa the thirteen headed monster, Santa the scary tale that they terrify little children with so they are good and mind their parents over there in Iceland. I can’t figure out why he eats all the cookies though and got so fat? There are none of the thirteen Santa’s in Iceland that are jolly or fat, they wreak havoc and cause mischief everywhere they go. Perhaps its something in the wassail that they serve over there.

Maybe that’s where the whole reindeer thing started too. Maybe the Brothers Santa liked to slay reindeer instead of having the reindeer pulling sleigh. Perhaps the old unlucky crooked number of Santa ogres liked to hunt and eat reindeers, which of course naturally brings us to the red nose. You would expect it as the deer hung upside down and bled dry. I wonder what the thirteen Mrs. Santa’s are like. Apparently they don’t try and fatten their men or make them happy since being a grumpy guy is somewhat of prerequisite to being an Icelandic version of old St. Nick. Which makes one wonder, are they even sainted over there, these rogue scalawag Santa’s? Or perhaps those people over there in Iceland are just very efficient and they like to combine their holidays? Maybe they run Halloween and Christmas together altogether bypassing Thanksgiving, since that is an inherently American tradition. All jokes aside it is rather curious that a Holiday purportedly created to celebrate the Birth of the Christ spawned any such folklore that made a figure as mischievous as these poltergeists parading as Jolly old St. Nick.

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