My boyfriend recently left for Germany for Euro Bike (don't ask). He has been away before and it use to be heart wrenching for the both of us. But like I said we have been going out for a while and I think this time I wanted him to leave so I could feel that feeling again (it really is like something you have never felt before) Well he left on Tuesday the same day this storm Ernesto was suppose to come and cause complete chaos and I was really upset because when he left for his flight I worried about him and making sure he made it ok. Some girls from work came over and stayed with me to make sure that everything was ok and I really appreciated it. I told Jennifer who is also my good friend that he should go out and do something this weekend. We talked about it and decided we would go with her boyfriend to the club that Friday. Chris (my boyfriend) called me and checked up to see how the storm went and to let me know he mde it safe and sound. I told him this sorry excuse for a storm didn't do anything and im glad that he made it there ok and that was the end of the conversation. It felt weird because usually after talking to him while he is away I feel this empty place in my heart that only he can fill but it wasn't there. I was scared. Then on Thursday he called me and he let me know that he was intoxicated and he had done this with a bunch of his English customers when I asked him what time it was there and he told me midnight a hundred things ran through my head. Why wouldn't they though Germany is the drug and sex capital of the world not exactly what a girlfriend imagines her boyfriend indulging in. The stupid Cuban genes in me had me call one of my girlfriend and I went over to her house and got smashed and went home and passes out I did all this to really just pass the time until Friday and believe it or not I didn't even talk about the thing that happened earlier because I wasn't really sure how I felt about what he told me earlier. Once again scared. Why didn't I know how this made me feel!? I should either be mad or not give a shit but I was right there smack dab in the middle with my emotions it was something I haven't ever faced in this relationship and I didn't know how to handle it so I went to bed that night dazed as well as confused. TGIF it is Friday and I myself am going to go out tonight and have fun with people I barely/don't even know. We got to the club at midnight and it was dead. By the way don't go with someone that has a boyfriend while yours is out of town it is such a kill joy. After hanging out with them while they made out for two hours and me dancing with them like an idiot this guy and his two friends walked by. The first guy stopped though and asked me my name. I told him I my name and introduced him to my friends who did not look happy to see me conversating with this stranger. He then introduced himself and his two people entourage. All of a sudden it was me and my friends with this one guy who I didn't even fucking know! He and I were talking for a minute and he asked the age old question do you have a boyfriend and my automatic response was yes I do. He asked me why he wasn't there and I told him that he was out of town on some business. He said he must have some good bread then and I told him he did but that wasn't why I am with him. My friend and her boyfriend looked worried and shocked that I was talking to this person. He also asked if I had ever been to this club before and I told him nope not really in to the clubbing scene. I asked him how old he was and he told me to guess I don't know why I said this but I though the hightest stupid number and said 30 he looked appalled and said he didn't think he looked that old and I told him I just rounded up. He got my age for some reason right on the dot and then proceeded to ask me how old my boyfriend was. I told him he's an older guy and he started guessing. He rounded up quite a bit two and said in his forties. I told him that I think I would look a little strange with a forty year guy and to stop the guessing game I just told him that he was 35. He then went on to tell me that he doesn't really just walk up and talk to people but I said I looked friendly (btw guys not exactly a pickup line). He also went on to tell me that his girlfriend makes more money than him and he doesn't get paid for two weeks and because he is out to the club with his cousin and friend she didn't want to go and he as well was stag. A great old song came on and he noticed I was singing along and asked if it would be ok to dance with me. I told him that was fine we danced one song and his friends were giving him the signal (probably the one that means: this girl isn't going to go home with you and these three chicks with us are) We said our it was nice to meet you's and he was on his way. I'm going to be quite honest and say that if I were not dating my boyfriend and that he hadn't been in a relationship as well that he is a very attractive guy and I would have gotten his number. Funny, nice, and easy to talk to (not like the two playing tonsil hockey next to me) But something powerful took over me tonight. I realized after he left and I was looking all around that me being there was stupid everything I need or want right now is in Germany. I got a little overwhelmed and I wanted to leave. But I settled for the front room and then back to the first floor of the club. I was so happy I found that feeling that I yearned for since he has been gone that I texted him in hopes tht he would get it ok and not be upset or two busy already in the day (being that they are 6 hours ahead of our time) with this message: I love you so much u cant wait till you get home you don't know the things I want to do to you. I doubted a response but not two minutes later I received this I feel the same way baby I look forward to hot sex see you soon! As horny and crude that may seem that's us and I haven't had this feeling in so long that a tear feel and I was happier than I was when we meet a year ago. It's real now its not what these random people in the club are looking for it's a serious connection with someone who knows about you then yourself. Through my tears I wrote him this last message: I'm at the club with Jennifer and raul and no one could compare you I miss you so much. The one that finished for the night for me was: Have fun! Don't drink to much and I love you! He cares about me more than anyone else has and today Billy (the random guy) and all those people in the club taught me that your truly happy with what your comfortable with and sometimes that may be scary but it also is something that at times can mean so much more. I'm not a sappy bitch but tonight I am so love it and cherish it because my cynical ass real me will arise soon again just have to sober up and I'll be right as rain.
Truly Blessed In My Comfort,
Me