Added: 08/28/2006 |
How To Succeed in Child Step ParentingYou are in for some struggles if you are marrying a person that has a child. Step parenting is not an easy process. If you know what you are getting yourself into before entering the step parent relationship, things will go much smoother. Step parenting requires love, patience, and consistency. Read more about smart step parenting. Yes, it really is possible.
If you are going to become a stepparent, do not try to replace the biological parent of the child. Step parenting realizes that the stepparent is not the parent. It may be best if the stepparent not try to discipline the child. Smart step parenting involves stepping back and letting the biological parent take control of discipline, until boundaries in the home are established.
Keep in mind that child step parenting is very different than being someone’s biological parent. Your stepchild may not want to call you mom or dad. That should be the child’s choice. They may feel like you are trying to take the place of their biological parent. Ensure them that this is not the case. Strive to create a relationship of understanding with the child. Communicate to the child that you do not intend to replace his or her parent, but that you want to be part of their life as well.
One of the challenges of child step parenting is teaching the stepchildren to trust the stepparent. One of the best ways to do this is to communicate. Tell them you understand how they feel. State that you know it must be hard to have a new person come in to their lives, but that you hope to be friends. Do not press the child to respond. The child will respond to the stepparent when he or she is ready. Do not force your child to call you mom or dad. Also, do not try to buy the love of the child. Show them that you love them through taking care of their daily needs. Buying love just simply does not work.
One of the best things you can do to make your stepchild feel comfortable is to start on neutral territory. Consider moving to a new residence if you can afford it. Set limits and enforce them, with the help of the biological parent. Children need consistent rules.
Be sure to give the child time to spend with their natural parent. This does not mean they are rejecting you, but they still will feel affection for the mom or dad that they no longer live with. Also, be prepared that your child will be emotionally unstable for a while. One day they may love you, and hate you the next. This is normal. Children have a lot of trouble regulating and understanding emotions. Be patient. Patience is one of the best ways to show love.
If you are step parenting a child that has been through a divorce, keep in mind that they may “test the waters” to make sure you are going to stick around. They may make life difficult as they test their boundaries. React to this with firm patience, and show the children that you have the support of their remaining natural parent. This behavior is normal! Take things slowly, and you will eventually build a successful step parent/child relationship. Step parenting takes time, but with patience, love, and consistency, you can be successful.
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