Children are the innocent victims in a family divorce. They often do not understand what has happened to their parents or why they no longer love each other. Very young children are especially confused since they cannot understand why their parents are no longer getting along or living together. Many adults also choose not to discuss their problems in front of children. Children divorce are more prone to think that they personally have done something horrible to drive their parents away from them.
It is not unusual for children to exhibit certain behaviors when they are going through a divorce with their parents. If your child is suddenly causing trouble at school when they previously were an A+ student it is a sign that they are having trouble coping with life at home. Children that start exhibiting regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting or have a renewed interest in comfort items like stuffed animals or blankets are also having difficulty adjusting to problems at home. Small children may become very clingy and need more nurturing when they are feeling insecure because of the situation at home.
Ways to deal with a child exhibiting unusual behavior during children divorce include talking to your children in a calm manner together and explaining in simple terms the reason for the divorce. It is also important for the parents to reassure a child that they are not the reason for the divorce but rather the adults are having difficulty continuing to live together. Children are less apt to pit parents against each other when they feel that they still have the love and support of each parent. When both parents cannot calmly talk with their children they should still make an effort to discuss the situation with their children on a one-on-one basis. This will help children try and understand each parent's point of view. Children divorce often feel conflicts regarding loyalty. They aren't sure which parent they should side with. This is yet another reason why parents should make an effort to talk to their children about the situation in a calm and supportive manner.
Grief is a common feeling that children will experience when their parents divorce. Grief is an emotion that expresses loss and children have a lot to lose when their parents separate. It is the end of a close-knit group that has supported each other through thick and thin. A children divorce signals the end of the ability to depend on other family members at home whenever it is needed. Some divorces end amicably while the majority end badly. If one parent moves far away from the rest of the family it is especially difficult for children to cope. When this happens a child really feels the loss, especially if they only see the parent from that point on during holidays and vacations.
Children divorce often feel powerless to stop the divorce process. A child may feel that if they support a parent in turmoil they can somehow stop the divorce. It is not uncommon for a child to feel that they need to nurture an upset parent. This puts a lot of stress on a young person and it is unhealthy for a parent to switch roles with a child. A parent that is having trouble coping with their own divorce and child should seek professional help before turning to their children as the sole source of comfort and support.