While the phrase "amicable divorce" exists, in reality there are very few divorces or separations which can be described as remotely amicable. This means that there is usually a lot of tension when you speak with ex spouse in person or even by phone. Ex spouse dealing is a difficult thing to do, especially if you have children who are not handling the separation well. A recent divorce can lead to a lot of parenting problems which you may not have anticipated and may have to handle with ex spouse together. Dealing with your ex spouse dealing with your children is not a task which comes easily, especially if the divorce or separation with ex spouse was especially complicated or painful for one of you or both of you.
The thanksgiving holiday season is a time of year when family is on everybody's minds and at everybody's dining room tables. It can be a very difficult decision whether to have a holiday with ex spouse so that the children can see both of you during this season, or whether to celebrate separately and send your offspring back and forth from house to house for different occasions. For example, instead of having thanksgiving and Christmas with ex spouse, you may choose to send your children to have thanksgiving with ex spouse, then keep them with you for Christmas eve and Christmas. This allows the children to stay in contact with ex spouse during the holidays without having to watch the two of you interface. Watching a parent deal with ex spouse can be very stressful for children.
However, sometimes there is no way around spending a holiday with ex spouse. If you decide to take on this challenge, there are a few things that you may be able to benefit by remembering. First of all, remember that you are not married anymore, and that a fight with ex spouse will probably not solve anything. The relationship is over, so you do not need to evaluate your ex spouse's behavior as closely as you did when the two of you were sharing a life together. If your ex spouse overeats at thanksgiving, for example, let it go past without comment rather than making a fuss. Behavior that you might not have tolerated while you were married doesn't have to mean a fight now, because you no longer share a life with ex spouse, so try to remember that they can make all the mistakes that they want.
The exception to this live and let live approach to dealing with ex spouse is of course when the decisions you disagree with affect your children. It is important to make sure that your kids get what they need. However, the chances are high that what your kids need during the holidays is to be able to enjoy the season and feel loved by both you and your spouse. This means that the best thing that you can probably to do survive thanksgiving with ex spouse is to avoid touchy subjects of conversation and do everything in your power to have a smooth, fun evening.
Try your best to put your differences aside and let the children have a nice evening. You may even want to talk with ex spouse beforehand about this to make sure that you are on the same page.