Added: 12/01/2005 |
Ex Spouse and Dealing With Ex Spouse IssuesWe all know divorce is not ideal and dealing with your ex spouse can cause a lot of tension if not done right. Dealing with ex spouse problems plague any parenting team in a divorce situation. The trick is to learn the things you need to know about how your ex spouse operates and use these as communication tools to effectively communicate with your ex spouse.
If you and your ex spouse have a child or children, it is imperative that you leave the hostile communicating for times when they are not there. Always remember this is the number one rule. Even if your ex spouse has no idea that this rule exists remember, when dealing with ex spouse, you need to keep calm and cool during any situation. There are probably many "hot points" between you and your ex spouse where your child or children are concerned, but these things are marriage baggage, not your child's or children's. Keep it in the proper place.
Where children are involved, there are always child support issues. To make it so you don't even have to discuss these issues with your ex spouse, go to the local Office of Recovery Services and file your case with them. They will collect the money and your ex spouse will not have anything to say about it. This can cut out a lot of tension between you and your ex spouse when the child is or children are around.
In dealing with ex spouse, it is important to remember that there are two and sometimes three points of view in the picture, yours, the ex spouse and your child or children. Make sure you can see everything from all three angles before getting emotionally involved in the conversation. However, an ex spouse who is still angry over the divorce or upset that you're seeing someone or getting remarried could intentionally push buttons to make you emotional about the situation. Just because your ex spouse is not choosing to communicate with you does not mean you are not dealing with ex spouse issues that should be resolved. Hopefully, your ex spouse will get over their tantrum, but in the case that the ex spouse refuses to try, dealing with ex spouse can be overwhelming and difficult. In this case rule two comes in handy. You need to avoid any social conversation with your ex spouse and stick to the facts that need to be addressed. For example, your 4 year old's new schedule or your son's school project due on Monday that he will need to finish over the weekend.
This brings us to rule three, no matter how hard dealing with ex spouse is or how much your ex spouse aggravates you, do not talk badly about your ex spouse in front of your children. Nothing makes a divorce more difficult on children than someone bashing on their ex spouse in front of them. This is a big mistake. It may cause your children to resent you in the long run. So if your need to vent about your ex spouse, do it to your friends when you're not around your child or children.
No one said that learning to communicate with an ex spouse was easy and dealing with ex spouse issues is as difficult and frustrating as it is common. The last rule for dealing with ex spouse issues is this - find a support system that understands what it is like to deal with an ex spouse. It makes it feel like you are not alone and allows you someone who understands what you're going through.
Article comments:
No comments for this article yet. Post your comment now!
