It's funny; I can't seem to remember feeling my face anymore or the curves of my chin, the contour of my dimple. It's all dreamlike anymore for me I guess. I just lost my ability to caress in the mirror one day. To care about anything. To care about the way I look or what I do. Funny, along with that I misplaced my ability to feel. It was great that first day, I didn’t care and I didn’t feel anything. Nothing to worry about.... As the days went by though, I realized I was stuck like this, in nothing, maybe forever. It seems faded now as all feeling does, really, 15 years is just a dent in the bill of servitude. Now I mark the days like the hollow temples that they are, just one more reason to find something to kill the pain, to pass the time.

I think I lost my feeling one morning in the mirror. So this is me thinking as I wake from a dream, rambling in and out and on and on and on about nightmare and fantasy wrapped up in one wicked fix in my brain that never stops except on October 31st. What was I going to be for Halloween this year? What indeed? It’s all about the Halloween celebration this time of year. The Halloween celebration offers girls in sexy costumes. The Halloween celebration makes me forget I’m insane. The Halloween celebration gets me through to one more year, gets the pain and suffering off my chest like some cathartic party where I get candy and I might even get laid. The whole country is one gigantic costumed party anyway, the United States' Halloween celebration. We dress up and pretend we’re human and pretend we’re not screwing up the planet, and one day a year we get candy!

....Mmmmm....

Reality smells good as leftover warm and tasty caramel apples with nuts, hold the razors please.

As I wake this cold Monday morning, robed in drab grey dreamless middle class disease, I wonder to myself, why am I watching an aerobicise infomercial at five frickin' A.M. in holy socks and cold long-johns? Why does it turn me on as I eat cold Grape Nuts and coffee? Lost again on the Lakers by a half point, there’s a shock. A half point is a neon sign that says you lose no matter what side you pick. TV at six A.M. plays the same bytes over and over again. Too early for e-mails, too late to screw off, time to go to work so I can get released and go to my Halloween celebration.

It occurred to me as the drab grey sky pissed rain all over my traffic morning what I used to be back in the day. Back when Halloween was a Holiday I looked forward to all year long. When you are a kid you mark the months by the holidays. Birthday, out of school, 4th of July Halloween, Thanksgiving, ooooooooooh boy here it comes CHRISTMAS!

Ever since I grew up ans I got a corporate paycheck I stopped caring. Now there are bills and hate and murder and injustice and politicians. Now I go to a job I hate in the rain so I can get off and go to a party and stare at chicks in devil costumes and drool.

Now I'm a wet dream in the rain and Halloween is just one more excuse to go get drunk and make a fool of myself. So maybe I'll just take the day off and go trick or treating. Maybe I can find the magic in life again?