Tonight, October 26, 2005, newscasters are talking about plans for a new type of clinical trial. In this trial, expectant parents at Baylor College of Medicine would be able to select the preferred sex of their baby. As a result, parents would know ahead of time whether to study a list of potential boy names or of girl names.
Girl names are so very pretty. Some names let a girl feel as lovely as a flower. Rose and Lily are two such names. Other girl names bestow on the holder a halo of optimism. Faith and Hope are two names that fall in that category.
But the beauty of any girl names can be destroyed by a marriage that creates an awkward combination, a marriage that juxtaposes a beautiful first name and a silly or ugly last name. In order to clarify the meaning of the above statement, this writer will now share with the readers two awkward names, one of which was a married name.
In the early part of the 20th Century, a woman with the first name "Rose" fell in love with a young future physician. After much time in the classroom, that young man became known as Dr. Bush. Hence his wife was named Rose Bush. The humor in this interesting word combination did not escape the notice of the medical students at Baylor College of Medicine, the school where Dr. Bush was on the faculty. Those students got an early lesson on the importance of well-chosen girl names.
Another Texas woman, a single woman, had parents who had anchored her to one of the more awkward girl names. For some peculiar reason, a Mr. and Mrs. Hogg decided to bestow on their daughter the name "Ima." Isn't that a strange name for a baby girl? Look what that made her full name. Girl to woman, her whole life, that lady had the name "Ima Hogg."
Another young girl, a former Girl Scout, had a very interesting name. This girl's first name was April, one of the more lovely girl names. Her last name was Shauers, pronounced "showers." This young woman had to tell all of her dates that he name was April Shauers. If one had to guess who this girl married, it would probably be a future weatherman.
No essay on girl names would be complete without the mention of that one Seinfeld episode, the one that dealt with girl names. The plot developed from the fact that Jerry had forgotten the name of the girl he had dated earlier. All Jerry could remember was that her name rhymed with some part of the female anatomy.
At this point Jerry and his friends conjured up some crazy girl names. Someone suggested the name Ulva. Jerry was sure that that was not the right answer. Wilder guesses were made a rejected. Jerry simply could not recall what the name was. Finally, close to the end of the program, Jerry met the same girl again, and he learned that her name was Deloris.
One wonders how many parents now pick that name for baby girl arrivals. It is a name; girls' reacting positively to having that name could probably be debatable. Deloris remains unlikely to be the first choice from the long list of potential girl names, although it would certainly be more favored than "Ulva."