It's unfortunate, but divorce has become a household word. One that often leaves that ugly taste in your mouth like you've tasted a burnt meal. The subject of the divorce process is not entertaining or fun, but many people out there are in the middle of this process and are not educated in it. And everyone has divorce advice by the bucket load, even if they've never been through one themselves. Remember if the person spouting the divorce advice has never been through the divorce process, you need to ignore them.
Let's educate and explore. What has caused the rise in the divorce rate? Ten to fifteen years ago, they tried to sell us some interesting ideas about divorce, center stage the "younger woman stealing the rich older man" cliché. But that is not as much the case anymore. The younger generation is just as prone to the divorce process as anyone else.
There are as many reasons for divorce as there are stars in the galaxy; however, that does not mean that there are not common themes in divorce? Most people will tell you that they were too young when they got married. They didn't understand the implications of the decision. Another reason is that people "grew apart" or quit communicating. So they ended up looking other places to find what they needed. Over time, people change and grow and some couples just find it hard to stay "growing together." Then there are the classic reasons. One partner cheated on the other or they both cheated on each other. Addictions get in the way of almost everything, including relationships. No one can really nail down just one reason they leave or decide that the divorce will leave them less scarred than staying in the marriage
People look to their attorneys, if they can afford one, for most of their divorce advice. That can be very costly. A lawyer is paid to get you a divorce, center attention to the courts, not your family or your mental state. Because of this simple fact, you need to learn all you can about the divorce process. There are plenty of places to find information about divorce. Simply do a web site search in the keyword "divorce" and the results are numerous. However, you have to know what you're looking for before you can weed out the articles you don't want. The best divorce advice anyone can give you is to learn the laws of your state concerning divorce, whether that means searching on the web or exploring the law section of the local library. You need this information so no one can pull the wool over your eyes. You'll be able to spot a raw deal if someone tries to hand it to you. This idea is a time consuming process, but you will come out much closer to the top in the long run if you're willing to spare the time.
Most laws and statutes read like stereo instructions; however, if you look at some web sites, they will paraphrase them for you and if all else fails, recruit a local political science major or law student from a local university. They will cost you less than an attorney, if anything at all. The more you understand before your attorney comes into the picture, the less time you're going to spend with them discussing the basics. That can save you a lot of money. However, not all of us retain everything we read. So last but not least, keep a copy of the statutes and laws that pertain to your situation and read them often, especially if you have questions.
Step two of this simple divorce advice course is to figure out what you need first and then what you want. It can be the hardest process to begin but it you'll come out a lot less scathed if you sit down without your emotions and figure out what you need out of the divorce, emotionally, financially and materialistically. Make yourself a reasonable list of what you will not compromise on, but keep in mind that this is also a very touchy compromise. If it helps, remember that you can always think of yourself as the better and bigger person if your estranged partner is acting in a petty manner. You may want to get even with your spouse for everything, but that feeling does not keep you level headed. You're more likely to make rash decisions the more your emotions are involved. Remind yourself that this is a legal transaction and nothing more.
After the legal part is in the process, you need to forget about your divorce, center your attention on your family, particularly your children. Most young children will be confused and older children will be angry. Remember that you need to discuss with them that this ordeal is between you and your spouse. Remind them that you both love them very much and don't drag them into the details. If your spouse cheated, they cheated on you, not your kids. It won't make it easier for them to know all the details and if they really want those types of details, it's up to your estranged spouse to tell them those things. If there is any divorce advice you listen to, always remember that it's not a crime for your kids to love both parents. You'll lessen the scarring if you focus your attention on them instead of desuading them from loving the other parent.
Don't ever forget to take time for yourself no matter how crazy your life gets. It helps with your mental sanity. The best divorce advice anyone can give you are a few simple sentences. Things are what they are. What happened, happened. And you can't change it now that it's in the past.