Added: 11/20/2005 |
Behavioral Responses Differ When You Come OutAfter living a lie for 20 years, you finally come to the conclusion you can't take it anymore. You have to tell someone your secret. You choose someone you know well and trust. One night you let them know you're gay. Just saying the words to them feels like a huge weight has been lifted from your chest. You feel free, but your elation soon fades, due to the look on the person's face. 'Okay,' the person responds with a weak smile as they take a step back from you. Their behavioral characteristics are sending you the message their not okay with it, and they would prefer to turn around and run away. Unfortunately, behavioral change like this often occurs when people open up about their sexual orientation to families and friends.
One of the biggest behavioral responses, especially by parents, of the news someone has come out of the closet is rejection. Many parents aren't comfortable with a gay child, and out of fear and anger reject the child. Other parents are devout Christians who believe homosexuality is wrong. They reject their child, because they have committed a sin. Some other parents will try to change the child. Their behavioral actions will seem as though the child has done something wrong or is broken and just needs a little repair. They are fully convinced that gay people can one day be straight again. If your parents have a reaction like this when you open up about your sexual orientation, give them some time to digest the news. Even though you've known in some form for 20 years, the time they've had to prepare for this moment has been short. A lot of parents question their parenting and what went wrong. Others grieve as though they've lost child, before becoming able to except the truth.
Many times it is easier to come out to friends than family for a variety of reasons. Friends, especially during young adulthood, are often more accepting of you and who you are as an individual. They haven't raised you and known you since the day you were born. They haven't dreamed about you one day becoming a doctor or lawyer, even though your heart is set on becoming a plumber. Homosexuality is also more widely accepted in society today, so people your age have grown up with it. It's not something new that is to be condemned. It's just the way some people are. Often times friends will exhibit behavioral responses of happiness, excitement and enthusiasm that you are being true to yourself and who you really are. Friends are not only good to come out to, but can also serve as great supports when you decide to tell other important people in your life, who may give you a negative behavioral response.
A variety of behavioral responses and behavioral changes can occur when you finally decide to be open about your sexuality with family and friends. From anger and fear to happiness and excitement, you must be prepared for how the person may act. Some might disown or turn away from you. Don't take it personally. Just remember that the strength you showed by admitting openly that you're gay, maybe the inspiration someone else needs to do the same.
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