A dude visits an attorney & says:
-How many years will I get for murder?
-Whom have you killed?
-I haven’t killed yet. I want to kill my mother-in-law.
-If you do in mine as well, you’ll get a year provisionally.

-Hello darling! You know, my parents are out of town…
-And so?
-I’m all alone and I’m bored…
-So what?
-Maybe you’ll come over?
-What for?
-I’ve got a bottle of champagne lying around…
-I don’t like champagne…
-Basically, come over and fuck me!
-A-a-a-h, I got the hint, coming.

Two buddies meet.
-Listen, do you like dumb bitches?
-Of course not.
-And smoking & drinking ones?
-Why the hell would I want those?
-And those who can’t cook breakfast, lunch or dinner?
-Hell no!
-Then why the fuck are you pestering my wife?

One alcoholic says to another:
-Bobby, let’s buy shoelaces!
Bobby (amazed):
-What the hell? What for?
-But… So that to have a drink & celebrate the purchase!
Pic: alchoholic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD1sA_XQqX0