Boss comes into the office & yells:
-I told you-don’t smoke at work!
One of the employees, spitting:
-But who is working here?
A dude comes to work with a black eye. Everyone says: what happened, who did this to ya? He says, wife bashed me up. Everyone: what for? He says: I referred to her as “you”. Everyone: come on, you don’t get bashed up for that. What really happened? “Last night she said “we haven’t had sex for ages. And I said, not we, YOU”.
A woman must do 3 things in her life:
1. Don’t become obsessed
2. Like an idiot
3. With that damned diamond necklace
A woman calls emergency services: there is a bear on a tree in our backyard.
An hour later emergency services arrive with a pit bullterrier:
-Basically, my name is Nick, he is Bob. The action plan is as follows: you take the gun, stand at the window, I climb the tree, push down the bear, it falls down, Bobby grabs it by the balls and drags it to the zoo. You got it?
-I got it, but why do I need to stand at the window, with a gun?
-That’s in case I fall down, shoot Bobby.
Two soldiers are crawling to investigate enemy territory.
One accidentally gets his hand into shit.
Second soldier: Ha-ha-ha!!!!!!
First soldier (covering second soldier’s mouth with the shit-covered hand):
-Quiet!
The head nun at the women’s monastery gathers all nuns and says: “Whoever has seen the male organ, please step forward!” Two nuns step forward. Head nun: “There is a bucket with holy water, go wash your eyes, wash away your sin!” Nuns do as they are told. Then head nun says: “Whoever has touched the male organ, step forward!” Several nuns step forward. Head nun says: “There is a bucket with holy water, go wash your eyes and your hands, atone your sin!” Nuns obey. Suddenly a voice from the crowd: “Can I go and wash my mouth now, before we begin to wash butt?”
Pic: nuns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdLJc7B1LM&feature=related