By on 09 Mar, 08 · · ·
Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn
During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot.
His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a 56k modem, and a tissue dispenser.
When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll down."
Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."
He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.
Her favorite actor?Tommy Lee.
When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on her."
You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera burned into his corneas.
As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his birthday.
During sex, he shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"
His version of foreplay: You lie naked on the bed with a sheet covering you... he pulls it down slowly for ten minutes.
By on 09 Mar, 08 · · ·
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
By on 09 Mar, 08 · · ·
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."
By on 09 Mar, 08 · · ·
My morning started like they all do; way too early! At 5a, my alarm starts to go off and by 5:45a, I’m out of bed with a steaming cup of Coffee in hand. By 6a, I’ve managed to shift into about 4th gear, making beds, lunches and in general trying to shepherd stragglers out the door. By 6:30a, I have an empty house, save one hungry dog. By 6:45a, Shiba has eaten and I’ve thrown on a pair of sweats and running shoes and am out the door.
This morning, as I made my way across the street to Bluff Park and started my stretches, I began to hear the soft, southern-accented voice of my grandmother singing in the beautiful soprano I remember from my childhood…
I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.
As I listened intently, I heard the rich baritone voice of my father join my grandmother’s soprano and their voices rose as they sang in perfect harmony…
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.
As I jogged along the path on the bluff overlooking the beach, listening to the music in my head, I looked down and saw that someone had written in the sand in huge block letters, God Loves You. As my pace quickened, my heart was overwhelmed as I thought of the love of God.
As I watched the sun slowly rise over the ocean, I was reminded about the importance of finding our own garden. That time of the day that we carve out just for us. That little bit of alone time where we meditate. My thirty minute run down the ocean every morning has become my most cherished time of the day. With no distractions, I meditate on what’s going on in my life. This morning my mediation reminded me of God’s love and that He’s walking and talking with me in my garden.
These garden moments are important to our total health; mentally, spiritually and physically. It came to me this morning that our “garden” doesn’t have to have rose bushes or even plants. All that we need to make our garden grow is a little alone time where we shut the world out and meditate on the goodness around us and in us. In my garden this morning, I was reminded that the One who made me and knows me best, loves me even more.
