At the age of 11 or 12, I lost my mother to cancer. Yes, she was a smoker...which lead to her having Tongue Cancer. Watching someone you love die a little bit every day is not something I'd wish on anyone...even a person I didn't like. I remember everything like it happened yesterday...and sometimes it feels like it did. I was young, but I knew that when mom showed me the lump in her tongue that it wasn't gonna be good. I told her to go have it checked out...and in the back of my mind I was wishing with everything I had in me that it was nothing serious. She went to have it checked out, and my wish didn't come true...she had cancer & was gonna have to suffer through months of Chemo Therapy and Radiation. In order for them to get as much of the lump out that they could....they had to pull some of her teeth & the cancer had spread so much they removed almost all of her tongue. Troughout the days I was a "brave little soldier" as my mom and dad called me...I helped take care of my younger brother who was 7 or 8, but at night I cried myself to sleep...I knew that if she died I'd be growing up without a mom. I tried not to believe it & that she would pull through...that she would get a miracle. We never got the miracle....on Easter morning in '98, I woke up to fire engine sirens and the bright turning lights of an ambulence. I fell out of bed and went to the living room to find my mom on the floor & my dad over her giving her CPR...she had went through Cardiac Arrest during the night, the put her in the ambulence...but she never made it to the hospital. She died on the way there.

I didn't write this to make the people that read it sad or feel sorry for me...thats not why i did it. I wrote it so everyone can understand why I am the way I am, I didn't have a mom to have long talks at night about my future, what I'd do when I grew up, or silly things like guy talk. lol I'm not as girly as most girls, I try not to cry in front of people, most of the time I bottle everything up inside...I know thats not good for you, but there are millions of other things that are worse...so leave me the hell alone. However, there are some good things that came out of growing up without a mother...I'm more independant, I grew up with 3 guys....so I know how to take care of myself, just ask them! ha ha More importantly, I learned how to listen....my friends always come to me when they have a problem because they know I'll listen and try to help them the best I can.





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